What is Love?

Besides being that annoyingly addicting song in the 90s and a popular topic for most of the music today--what is love? Are all these singer/songwriters actually experiencing it? Is THAT how i'm suppose to feel when i'm "in love". And how do you know when you've found it?

I hate to doubt this feeling when the other person says they're in love...but I honestly don't know. At times I feel like i'm madly in love with him and other times I feel like I could easily live without him, but then two days later i'm crying over the fact that I miss him. Is it that i'm trying to protect myself and convince myself that I don't love him so I don't have to feel that annoying pain? And if so--why does it have to work so well? He comes to town and i'm happy but i'm not that happy... what does this mean?

Here are the FACTS...
-He makes me happy
-I've never dated a person as long as I dated him
-I feel totally bipolar when I'm thinking about him [alone]
-we ended on good terms

I wrote this for you.

This moment's picture perfect
but we haven't got a camera
and time keeps slipping faster
but I know it's you I'm after

I'm racing against the clock
my heart's racing too
I'm afraid your heart is locked
should I just forget bout you?
but I can't forget your smile
I can't forget your heart
I would walk every mile
til we're no longer apart

I'm falling in love,but i'm falling out of time
I'm falling in love, but i'm falling out of time

This ending has to be bittersweet
and you know i'll say it wasn't just a fling
you're the greatest guy i'll ever meet

If I got one wish
It's be for you to stay
I'd get to hold you everyday
but my luck seems to be running away
ah, I wish you could stay

I have to say good bye
we knew this had to end
you know the reason why
you'll always be my friend.


 I'm falling in love, but i'm falling out of time
I'm falling in love, but i'm falling out of time

>Song for Joe

For Coach

Buzz!
Ughhh 6:30 AM
But it's ok...
It's Saturday.
Time to wake up and play tennis.
Time to see the crazy old man in the fishing hat,
who tests us to see if we can
handle the heat of the kitchen without choppin the broccoli,
or catch the butterfly without being an Indian with two tents.
Time to hang with the other tennis biotches and go on an epic search for gummy worms.
But now practice is over, and so the game,
Time to take the winnings: all those years of education
and say good bye to the crazy old man who helped teach us so much
and opened our eyes to the world.

High

I am the sand.
The waves come crashing onto me.
I can't grasp them, yet they manage to drown me in their power.
I am thrown all over, trying to find the ground
But I just keep moving.

I'm scared I want to stop, but the waves won't let me go
and my cries go unheard.

I am trapped in an ocean of never ending emotions that i can't
escape.

Come Away With Me

Come on an adventure with me,
and never leave my side.
We'll find the richest treasures of diamonds and gold,
but we'll only keep the pearls.
We'll forever venture side by side,
discovering the world,
and each other.

Apology

Dear ___,

    

   You have put up with my crazy moods for years and still continue to love me, why? I am terrible to you and all you ever do is call me rude. I just hate that you can take the abuse and still love me. I feel so guilty because I know I can't change. You say I've never technically yelled at you, but that's because I want to yell at you pretty much all the time and for the dumbest things but I keep it in; because I don't want to hurt you. But eventually the words come out, and instead of one little brawl, I manage to take a weeks worth of anger and throw it at you. 

I'm constantly furious at you, but I constantly love you.

Anyways although this is like the WORST apology ever... I'm sorry for being ... me. 

You know who you are, and although I already know you will forgive me, I needed to say it, and you needed to hear it.

P.S. I love you. 

College Search

Just got back from a week long road trip touring colleges in Northern California with my mum and Chloe. It made me realize that I am way too picky and I'm scared to leave, in the end I still vote Northern Arizona University as my favorite. We toured/ looked at 5 colleges, drove more than 24hrs total, traveled a thousand or so miles and I hated them all...how sad.

She Had No Enemies, Except Herself.

Down
Down
Down
She can't escape.
The words keep pulling at her.
Drowning in a pool of insecurity.

Road Trip

For Spring Break I am going on a road trip with my mum and my family friends to go see colleges. I'm scared. I don't want to think about college... I want to be out of high school, but not out on my own. I suppose we all have this fear, but I guess my biggest fear about college is that I will hate it and feel guilty for wasting time and money.
Another thing I  fear is that if I leave to a far away school, what will I do when I come home during Summer, will there be anyone left in boring Alta Loma???

Life is a Game.

They say life is like Chess.
I must be fucked then.

Sorry

Dear Blog,
I'm sorry I've been ignoring you...
Let's see what have you missed?
-School is dumb
-Friends can be liars
-I'm becoming more and more of a procrastinator (as seen by lack of blog entries)

Found Poem for Today.

All Joy is Lost, 

I opened the box.

Where ya at?

The point of no return,

Just drop it. 

Bye Bye Boy.

He is now out of my life.
  The last thing he said when I told him I'm deleting him from my life...
                                               "Bye:)"

To her disembodied prince

Every breath that you breathe is a lie,

I just wanna suffocate you, til the words die

They’ll bleed the pain you never felt

Breathing down down down your nervous neck

They’ll circle around your stone black heart

Up to your eyes that only see dark.

And as the words rot away,

To live with the dead that never stayed,

You’ll stare at the noose that made you rue  

The dreaded lie- I love you.  

Title rights go to Miss Chloe Keedy, as for the poem: I wrote it; it's really scary I know but i'm working with a lot of emotions here...it's hard to keep them all confined into little G-Rated kinder garden rants so sorry for sounding totally crazy. BUT if you actually liked this I recommend Edgar Allen Poe...he's awesome...very dark but AWESOME and his poems are WAY darker than this one; for him this is a G-Rated Kinder Garden rant. 

Well have a nice day and don't be afraid to shed emotions; no matter how creepy they may appear.