Apology

Dear ___,

    

   You have put up with my crazy moods for years and still continue to love me, why? I am terrible to you and all you ever do is call me rude. I just hate that you can take the abuse and still love me. I feel so guilty because I know I can't change. You say I've never technically yelled at you, but that's because I want to yell at you pretty much all the time and for the dumbest things but I keep it in; because I don't want to hurt you. But eventually the words come out, and instead of one little brawl, I manage to take a weeks worth of anger and throw it at you. 

I'm constantly furious at you, but I constantly love you.

Anyways although this is like the WORST apology ever... I'm sorry for being ... me. 

You know who you are, and although I already know you will forgive me, I needed to say it, and you needed to hear it.

P.S. I love you. 

College Search

Just got back from a week long road trip touring colleges in Northern California with my mum and Chloe. It made me realize that I am way too picky and I'm scared to leave, in the end I still vote Northern Arizona University as my favorite. We toured/ looked at 5 colleges, drove more than 24hrs total, traveled a thousand or so miles and I hated them all...how sad.

She Had No Enemies, Except Herself.

Down
Down
Down
She can't escape.
The words keep pulling at her.
Drowning in a pool of insecurity.

Road Trip

For Spring Break I am going on a road trip with my mum and my family friends to go see colleges. I'm scared. I don't want to think about college... I want to be out of high school, but not out on my own. I suppose we all have this fear, but I guess my biggest fear about college is that I will hate it and feel guilty for wasting time and money.
Another thing I  fear is that if I leave to a far away school, what will I do when I come home during Summer, will there be anyone left in boring Alta Loma???

Life is a Game.

They say life is like Chess.
I must be fucked then.

Sorry

Dear Blog,
I'm sorry I've been ignoring you...
Let's see what have you missed?
-School is dumb
-Friends can be liars
-I'm becoming more and more of a procrastinator (as seen by lack of blog entries)